our baby girl

Stella Pearl was born 20 May, in a birthing pool at the foot of my bed, during a thunderstorm, at 8:48pm. She was 8 lbs, 2 oz, and 21 inches long.

We love her dearly.

spring means i hear the trains again

Living near the tracks has its ups and downs.

Well, mostly its downs--noisy, sometimes smelly, sometimes inconvenient when i am trying to get home.

But they have their charm too, and when I hear their loud loud horns and their slamming together at the switchyard, I occasionally daydream about train-hoppers and hobos.

We got new energy efficient windows installed on this 1930 house last year, thanks to the first-time homebuyers tax rebate from Uncle Sam. So during the winter I got spoiled on not hearing the trains as much because the windows really help with soundproofing as well as draftiness. Now that spring (feels like summer today tho with unseasonable highs around 90 degrees!) has sprung, and our windows are open, I hear them more than ever.

Alan reminded me last night that indeed we knew the trains were here before we moved in. Much like that story about the woman who nursed a snake back to health and then he bit her anyway. The snake said, "You knew I was a snake."

Nevertheless, I find myself grumbling....about the trains....about the dog across the street and his relentless daily barking at the sunrise....

and i remind myself to breathe.

"You better remember to breathe, Sarah," i tell myself. Because any day now my baby could decide she is ready to make an appearance and I have a feeling it is my breath that will keep me sane.

This, my first pregnancy, has been a relatively smooth ride. There was that scare I had about baby girl's heartbeat back in January, where her heart tones were dipping down so low as to send me for a specially in-depth ultrasound to view her heart chambers and valves. It turned out to be just some fluke--I think she just couldn't decide that day if she wanted to play in heaven or in mama's body--but it was a heart-wrenching day for me and her papa as we wondered if she would stick around. I'm sure it won't be the last time she gives me a run for my money!

When you're pregnant, everyone decides it's time to give you advice (and touch your belly). Some of that advice is helpful, some is not. I just received some helpful advice from a dear friend who just had a little girl a few weeks ago. She said it's going to be the hardest hours of my life. If I know that going in, it makes it more bearable. And baby is working hard too. I'd like to think of us as a team going through it together.

Preparing for natural childbirth is somewhat like preparing for a marathon. Which I would really have no idea about because I have never run a marathon, and it is actually hilarious to think about me running a marathon. nevermind.

Let me try that again. Preparing for natural childbirth is exciting because in the same breath I feel Ready. Strong. and alternately scared...weak....anxious about the unknowing. I think that's normal. I keep reading birth stories that say it's normal for women to reach that point too, where you think you simply cannot go on. I just hope I don't reach that point very early on in the process!

For now, I will just keep waiting for baby, and listening to the trains.